Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
