I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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