Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
