Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How does one acquire holy water?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize