So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
