I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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