my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
