I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
