My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
