i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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