Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
