I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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