Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
