We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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