yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
