i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
