Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
