He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize