oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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