There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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