I'm lost and stupid without you.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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