Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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