dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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