So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize