so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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