We won't sleep together?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
