all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
