So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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