i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
