I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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