Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
