just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
