my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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