We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
