Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
