i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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