he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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