i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
