She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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