I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
