So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
