If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
