So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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