Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize