What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Houston, we have a blender
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
