You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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