3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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