Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
