omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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