Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
