Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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