Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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