So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
