too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
