So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's official drugs can't kill me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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