Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
someone owes me an orgasm
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize