so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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