p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
