Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
