I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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