Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
