Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize