Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize