Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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