yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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