Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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