and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
