I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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