the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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