I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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