Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
