also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
