everyone is single if you try hard enough
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
