listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
