I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
