I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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