This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
