watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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