I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize