I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize