He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
